![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Jul. 12th, 2019 08:49 pm "You don't have a lot of stamina" like you're not WRONG but do you have to SAY it?
(no subject)
Jul. 7th, 2019 01:04 pm ... I say before putting my headphones back in so I can move furniture without freaking out
(no subject)
Jul. 7th, 2019 12:59 pm Like, I say i drank my dumbass juice for a month and a half and that's why I fucked up scheduling, and that's not WRONG, but the situation definitely wasn't helped by spending most of that month and a half trying not to be paying attention to the world around me. I can be fine and functional if I stream podcasts into my brain during every quiet moment, but it doesn't leave much brain left for planning ahead.
(no subject)
Jul. 5th, 2019 06:56 pmSo it is about a month and a half until I move and start grad school and, I'm excited, and nervous, but not for the reasons you might expect of me. See, the thing is, as I've been getting ready I've realized that the "school" part is such a small part of what I'm actually concerned about. And, honestly? After a life where school was always the priority, always the most important thing over my health, my socialization, my self-discovery, my hobbies, I am READY to try it again and focus on something else.
I am going to grad school because I need a space to live that's all my own, that I can invite people to. I'm going to grad school because I'm excited about the school job I've got lined up. I am going to grad school to live somewhere with better public transportation. I am going to grad school so I can find activism and arts groups and get more involved. I am going to grad school to learn how to better interact with myself and the world. Like, where I am now, I feel helpless, but in a month and a half I am going to massively increase my agency, and I'm trying to hold onto that.
People ask if I've figured out what flavor of librarianship I want to study and I've told them no, I'll see what happens when I get there. And I've only just realized that's indicative of how little that actually matters. If I get a job in a library setting, a good job, like, it barely matters what the specifics are. I AM going into librarianship because I believe in it and because it works with my available skill set; whether I end up a science librarian or a public librarian or an archivist or a library director.... it'd all be good, y'know? I know I'm going to have to find direction but I'm... not worried about it right now. I'm not.
I'm worried about living as an independent adult, I'm worried about keeping in contact with the people who I will now be farther from, especially my boyfriend, because I know we can manage, but LDRs are hard. I'm worried about falling into old, unhealthy patterns without balance. I'm worried about america falling into fascism and climate change and the world ending generally.
But what I am doing in the face of that is the best thing for me, in the moment, and me, moving forward. Is preparing myself to have experience and resources and that thought is... comforting.
I'm sure I'll enjoy the academic side of my degree; I'm me, how can I not? But I'm thinking about and prioritizing so much more to that and I am glad for it.
I am going to grad school because I need a space to live that's all my own, that I can invite people to. I'm going to grad school because I'm excited about the school job I've got lined up. I am going to grad school to live somewhere with better public transportation. I am going to grad school so I can find activism and arts groups and get more involved. I am going to grad school to learn how to better interact with myself and the world. Like, where I am now, I feel helpless, but in a month and a half I am going to massively increase my agency, and I'm trying to hold onto that.
People ask if I've figured out what flavor of librarianship I want to study and I've told them no, I'll see what happens when I get there. And I've only just realized that's indicative of how little that actually matters. If I get a job in a library setting, a good job, like, it barely matters what the specifics are. I AM going into librarianship because I believe in it and because it works with my available skill set; whether I end up a science librarian or a public librarian or an archivist or a library director.... it'd all be good, y'know? I know I'm going to have to find direction but I'm... not worried about it right now. I'm not.
I'm worried about living as an independent adult, I'm worried about keeping in contact with the people who I will now be farther from, especially my boyfriend, because I know we can manage, but LDRs are hard. I'm worried about falling into old, unhealthy patterns without balance. I'm worried about america falling into fascism and climate change and the world ending generally.
But what I am doing in the face of that is the best thing for me, in the moment, and me, moving forward. Is preparing myself to have experience and resources and that thought is... comforting.
I'm sure I'll enjoy the academic side of my degree; I'm me, how can I not? But I'm thinking about and prioritizing so much more to that and I am glad for it.
(no subject)
Mar. 23rd, 2019 02:01 am Most of the Wayward Children books leave me with a deep and poignant sense of longing, but I just finished In an Absent Dream and the longing is undercut with a deep sense of fuckor
don't get me wrong, I adored the book, but knowing that, especially at almost 18, I would probably have made the exact same choices as Lundy makes me feel some kind or unsettled XD
don't get me wrong, I adored the book, but knowing that, especially at almost 18, I would probably have made the exact same choices as Lundy makes me feel some kind or unsettled XD
(no subject)
Mar. 22nd, 2019 11:01 pm Good news-- i have a good prospect for a new writer's notebook! So that might be a thing thats happening again.
Bad news- where is my poetry journal
Bad news- where is my poetry journal
(no subject)
Mar. 22nd, 2019 09:40 pm I made the good but dubious decision of ordering 5 short story collections (queer flavored) from the library at once. I want then desperately now, but they'll probably all come in at once and I'll be swamped.
Ah well. I finished M is for Magic tonight. Sunbird is still way fucked up. And i have a DWJ collection lined up next! (And the newest wayward children book). And a few more collections hanging around...
Ah well. I finished M is for Magic tonight. Sunbird is still way fucked up. And i have a DWJ collection lined up next! (And the newest wayward children book). And a few more collections hanging around...
(no subject)
Mar. 22nd, 2019 12:14 pm So I hit fandom drop, but I'm handling this one really really well. (Fandom drop, if I haven't talked about this with you, is what I call the moment when, deep into a fandom, my brain drops the connection for some reason-- maybe one thing hit a little sour, maybe there's no reason at all-- and my head is left empty and adrift and averse until I find it again. Imagine listening to music on headphones and getting deep into the groove, and then an enthusiastic hand or an inconvenient doorknob catches and yanks the headphones out, and suddenly the song has cut out and you're fumbling desperately fix it while floundering in the absence of the song. It's like that. Not serious but can be distressing, and can take a few days to plug back in).
Since I dropped this time, though, I have caught myself with surprising deftness. I have finally watched the shape of water and read most of two short story collections. And the thing is, I am impressionable. When I see someone doing something, I want to do it too. So I'm now buzzing with the desire to write original fiction short stories, and that's exciting.
Since I dropped this time, though, I have caught myself with surprising deftness. I have finally watched the shape of water and read most of two short story collections. And the thing is, I am impressionable. When I see someone doing something, I want to do it too. So I'm now buzzing with the desire to write original fiction short stories, and that's exciting.
So, I haven't been on here very much recently; life has been busy and I've been making the shift to a shiny new computer (a Big Boy), and I've been spending most of my time on AO3 and Discord. BUT I thought I'd write an update on the way I've been shifting my splatwriting plans.
Basically, for the past more-than-a-year, I've been in the habit of keeping a document in which I do some freewriting of not-directly-fanfiction as many days as I can. The idea is to give me an entry into getting into the word documents, and writing things without stressing myself out. However, in the past few months I've been using it less and less as my focus has been drawn towards upcoming projects (mostly good omens fanfiction), and towards writing things that I can finish and share. While I'm sure the original impulse behind the splatwrites has been tremendously useful and will in the future when I hit more of a dry spell, but for now I'm thinking about how I can keep them relevant. And what I've come up with is this.
I would LOVE to write a collection of short original stories. I would love to play to my strengths, which are aftermath and dumb gays talking to each other. I would love to have a FOCUS for my original fiction, because at the moment when I think about writing, there's well chewed and delicious fan content to work from on one side, and THE VAST EXPANSE OF THE UNIVERSE on the other, which is harder to get my teeth in. (I don't care what metaphors are doing here, it's fine. The point is I need a focus.)
SO. I want to try and build a short story collection around the concept of "after." I want to play around and experiment and see what comes up. IDEALLY it would be something I can publish someday, but for now, I just want to make steps toward that direction. Tentative titles are After Words, After the After, etc. We'll see what happens as I push forward.
(Electric boogaloo comes from the title of my revamped splat document for march lmao).
I'm inspired and energized primarily, right now, by a short story collection called Her Body and Other Parties by Carmen Maria Machado, OneEyedDestroyer's Sharing Skin series of baths on AO3, and the excitement of my own vignette series, Make a Life Worth Living, which people are eager to read more of and I am eager to write more of.
Anyway, there's no timeline on it yet, but that's the scope of my initial foray, and I'm going to be using March to kind of begin plunging in and see where it takes me.
Basically, for the past more-than-a-year, I've been in the habit of keeping a document in which I do some freewriting of not-directly-fanfiction as many days as I can. The idea is to give me an entry into getting into the word documents, and writing things without stressing myself out. However, in the past few months I've been using it less and less as my focus has been drawn towards upcoming projects (mostly good omens fanfiction), and towards writing things that I can finish and share. While I'm sure the original impulse behind the splatwrites has been tremendously useful and will in the future when I hit more of a dry spell, but for now I'm thinking about how I can keep them relevant. And what I've come up with is this.
I would LOVE to write a collection of short original stories. I would love to play to my strengths, which are aftermath and dumb gays talking to each other. I would love to have a FOCUS for my original fiction, because at the moment when I think about writing, there's well chewed and delicious fan content to work from on one side, and THE VAST EXPANSE OF THE UNIVERSE on the other, which is harder to get my teeth in. (I don't care what metaphors are doing here, it's fine. The point is I need a focus.)
SO. I want to try and build a short story collection around the concept of "after." I want to play around and experiment and see what comes up. IDEALLY it would be something I can publish someday, but for now, I just want to make steps toward that direction. Tentative titles are After Words, After the After, etc. We'll see what happens as I push forward.
(Electric boogaloo comes from the title of my revamped splat document for march lmao).
I'm inspired and energized primarily, right now, by a short story collection called Her Body and Other Parties by Carmen Maria Machado, OneEyedDestroyer's Sharing Skin series of baths on AO3, and the excitement of my own vignette series, Make a Life Worth Living, which people are eager to read more of and I am eager to write more of.
Anyway, there's no timeline on it yet, but that's the scope of my initial foray, and I'm going to be using March to kind of begin plunging in and see where it takes me.
(no subject)
Feb. 27th, 2019 04:13 pm My bf saw a fact at the bowling alley that said "leonardo da vinci invented the scissors" and misread it as "leonardo da vinci invented scissoring" and I mean he was fucking crowley so that's probably right
Good vibes
Feb. 27th, 2019 02:16 am Hey i know a lot of my posts on here are me venting, bc i need a place to vent, but things are good right now and I have verve, eo here's a list of positive developments!
-got my enthusiasm back for grad school
-sent in 3 applications (so far) for assistantships
-have an ongoing fic that people are excited about and i have ideas for
-get to scream about good omens with my boyf cause he just finished it
-wrote a long present for my bro which he loved
-am keeping up with endeavour and dreamboy and night vale in real time which is unheard of!
-have an actual game plan for how to get a new computer!
-we have a fully functioning bathroom again!
-got my enthusiasm back for grad school
-sent in 3 applications (so far) for assistantships
-have an ongoing fic that people are excited about and i have ideas for
-get to scream about good omens with my boyf cause he just finished it
-wrote a long present for my bro which he loved
-am keeping up with endeavour and dreamboy and night vale in real time which is unheard of!
-have an actual game plan for how to get a new computer!
-we have a fully functioning bathroom again!
(no subject)
Feb. 20th, 2019 01:34 pm Mmmmmmmmmm I really need to do Adulting things and grad school things and I Do Not Want.
(no subject)
Feb. 18th, 2019 01:14 am I think the main reason why i'm so allured by the idea of writing erotica for a living is because a) it sounds fun, and b) i could make it queer and c) since erotica is not culturally seen as something to aspire to, it would be this tremendous satisfying "fuck you" to the culture that wants me to "make something of myself". Like imagine how satisfying it would be to tell people "ah yes, i've written a book, it's called "abs make the heart grow fonder". (that's such a lie i would never write porn about abs)
The only problem with this plan is that i write so very little erotica. It's like "aw yeah time 2 write porn" and instead i write an angsty conversation between two dumb gays. Which is not a bad thing but like... is there a mainstream publishing niche for this? Could i publish a short story collection that's just called "dumb queers talk (and don't talk) about their feelings?" I mean I'D read it, but.
The only problem with this plan is that i write so very little erotica. It's like "aw yeah time 2 write porn" and instead i write an angsty conversation between two dumb gays. Which is not a bad thing but like... is there a mainstream publishing niche for this? Could i publish a short story collection that's just called "dumb queers talk (and don't talk) about their feelings?" I mean I'D read it, but.
(no subject)
Feb. 13th, 2019 11:33 pmI treasure every single comment i get on my fics, but the ones on Morning Has Broken... partly cause of what the fic is but partly how people are being hit by it... every time i go to reply to them i find myself tearing up... i'm very glad i finished and posted that one
(no subject)
Feb. 10th, 2019 03:48 pm Lmao i knew the fandom high of the past few days would come with a drop, and here it is
[Fic] Make a Life Worth Living pt. 4
Feb. 9th, 2019 11:33 pmIt was Crowley’s afternoon off, and she was supposed to take the time to rest while Aziraphale looked after the child. “You look like you could use a nap,” Aziraphale had said, and he wasn’t wrong. Crowley had truly been planning to return to her room, but it was a summer afternoon and the sun was so tempting, and now she was reclined in the grass at the far corner of the garden. Nanny Ashtoreth would never do such a thing, but Crowley’s skin was warm and the grass was soft against her back, and at this angle from the house windows, with several occult misdirections around her, there was no chance of the Dowlings taking issue. Aziraphale could see her, of course, but he hardly would have classified this as anything out of the ordinary.
“Mr. Fwancis,” Warlock said, just within range of Crowley’s hearing. He and Aziraphale were stationed on a picnic blanket in the shade. “Guess what?”
“I don’t suppose it has anything to do with The Selfish Giant,” Aziraphale said, resignedly. He’d been trying to begin the story for the past twenty minutes, but Warlock was having none of it. Clever little boy.
“You’ve gotta guess,” Warlock insisted. Crowley glanced over, and sure enough his hands were opening and closing excitedly as he built himself up for the surprise. Crowley knew what it was. She’d been asked the question three times already today, and if she wasn’t mistaken, Aziraphale had gotten it at least once yesterday.
( continue )[Fic] Morning Has Broken
Feb. 3rd, 2019 04:03 pmSad fic is out in the world today <3
Morning Has Broken (3924 words) by DwarvenBeardSpores
Fandom: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens)
Characters: Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens)
Additional Tags: Pre-Canon, 1970s, Grief/Mourning, Minor Character Death, (Referenced) - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Loneliness, Conversations, Immortality, Singing, Cat Stevens - Freeform, Crying, mentions of:, the discreet gentleman's club, the long nap, The Garden
Summary:
Morning Has Broken (3924 words) by DwarvenBeardSpores
Fandom: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens)
Characters: Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens)
Additional Tags: Pre-Canon, 1970s, Grief/Mourning, Minor Character Death, (Referenced) - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Loneliness, Conversations, Immortality, Singing, Cat Stevens - Freeform, Crying, mentions of:, the discreet gentleman's club, the long nap, The Garden
Summary:
The year is 1972 and the last surviving member of Aziraphale’s gentleman’s club has passed away.
(no subject)
Feb. 3rd, 2019 01:41 am I should offer my services to weddings where people might be reluctant to dance-- for dinner and money i can hang around awkwardly before jumping on the dance floor and making a delighted fool of myself and encouraging others to do the same. You wouldnt even have to get me drunk (though a few drinks wouldb'e enjoyed), I'm just Like That. You would, however, have to play fun music.
