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(no subject)
MAYBE THE PROBLEM ISN'T D&D MAYBE THE PROBLEM IS JUST THAT SOCIAL SITUATIONS ARE HARD AND D&D IS LIKE THE ONLY PLACE I REGULARLY/INTIMATELY SOCIALIZE WITH A GROUP HOW'S THAT FOR AN OBVIOUS EPIPHANY
(no subject)
I know this is quarantine etc getting to me and the space and whatever but I'm basically just in high school again rn, time is fake and the world's turns back around, and I've never known anything, really
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(no subject)
How many times have I answered "how are you?" With "fine" or "alright" or "tired" because I actually have no idea how to articulate how I am? Like, not even just as a 'don't show weakness' thing although it's certainly some of that, but as an 'I literally do not know'?
(no subject)
Its great i dont need to have a new identity crisis every time cause mag165 covers it all
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DBS ORIGINAL: shooting star
so I made a cool character on a picrew and then wrote a quick and messy piece about them cause language is cool (link goes to twitter post w/ the image)
346 words
cw body horror
--
They pull themselves, cracking, onto the lip of the crater and grin, sharp teeth in a smug smile. Jagged shards of yellow crystal protrude from their back, their head, push through the fractures in what passes for skin.
“How’s that for an entrance?” they say, and behind thick-framed glasses their eyes blink like the phases of the moon.
You take their hand. It is heavy, as though made of solid rock. You could stick your fingers in the cracks along the knuckles, though, you’re sure of it. Touch the inky blackness that fills them and threatens to spill out. You don’t. Those cracks could well have come from punching. Besides. That’s just rude.
A light flickers below their skin.
They are sharp and fragile fragments, but not brittle. Not that. There is nothing still about the way they grind themself into even more points. There is nothing evitable or enviable about those points eventually being ground smooth.
Once and again they smile, teeth glinting like their mouth is full of poprocks. “Sometimes,” they say, “you just have to fall.”
Behind and around them is a deep pit of impact, crushed ground, mounds of dust. You saw them arc down as a burning ball of light, a tiny sun, a lightbulb hurled like a bullet or a baseball. You think they’d flown that high themselves, wings of stone and jewel somehow keeping them aloft, beating on the air and darting forward stubbornly whenever they began to fall. Shedding dust and bits of self they hauled themself into the sky and then when they were high enough they tucked their wings and dove. Down and down until the air is only heat and pressure until their face is shredded by the speed until they are a meteor, a shooting star, a comet destined for a hot and icy end.
And now they’re here. And they’re as fine as they had been, if indeed they ever were. And now they hold a gibbous moon in their hands and extend it out to you and say “drink.”
And you do.
346 words
cw body horror
--
They pull themselves, cracking, onto the lip of the crater and grin, sharp teeth in a smug smile. Jagged shards of yellow crystal protrude from their back, their head, push through the fractures in what passes for skin.
“How’s that for an entrance?” they say, and behind thick-framed glasses their eyes blink like the phases of the moon.
You take their hand. It is heavy, as though made of solid rock. You could stick your fingers in the cracks along the knuckles, though, you’re sure of it. Touch the inky blackness that fills them and threatens to spill out. You don’t. Those cracks could well have come from punching. Besides. That’s just rude.
A light flickers below their skin.
They are sharp and fragile fragments, but not brittle. Not that. There is nothing still about the way they grind themself into even more points. There is nothing evitable or enviable about those points eventually being ground smooth.
Once and again they smile, teeth glinting like their mouth is full of poprocks. “Sometimes,” they say, “you just have to fall.”
Behind and around them is a deep pit of impact, crushed ground, mounds of dust. You saw them arc down as a burning ball of light, a tiny sun, a lightbulb hurled like a bullet or a baseball. You think they’d flown that high themselves, wings of stone and jewel somehow keeping them aloft, beating on the air and darting forward stubbornly whenever they began to fall. Shedding dust and bits of self they hauled themself into the sky and then when they were high enough they tucked their wings and dove. Down and down until the air is only heat and pressure until their face is shredded by the speed until they are a meteor, a shooting star, a comet destined for a hot and icy end.
And now they’re here. And they’re as fine as they had been, if indeed they ever were. And now they hold a gibbous moon in their hands and extend it out to you and say “drink.”
And you do.
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Things bouncing around in my head right now that I want to write and/or finish:
Michael/Coffin pt 3 -- either lighthearted but slightly untimely shopping shenanigans, or some angst (or both)
Sasha Whosasking in the TMA apocalypse
Brexel fic (+desolation flavor)
Apocalypse World fic with Torque and Zhang
Cel having post-dungeon gender feels (+Zolf)
Five Times Howard Carter Tried To Court Wilde That's It That's The Fic It Didn't Work (+eager observers Zolf and Barnes)
Sasha and Grizzop hugs (grizzop would hate quarantine)
The Unreasonable and Uneatable Amount of Bread RQG flavor
Lonelyeyes Business Dinner
TMA/GO crossover where Breekon and Hope get freaked out by the International Express Delivery Man (+reference to The Man Who Is Not Short and The Man Who Is Not Tall)
The Them angsty college-age fic I started ages ago
Aziraphale and Madame Tracy chat and are friends (+pokemon)
Warlock watches The Omen and feels things (i need to rewatch the omen for that oops)
The Unreasonable and Uneatable Amount of Cookies WTNV flavor
Jared has tea with Meat Grandma
Hamid and Azu are soft (can be incorporated literally anywhere)
Zone of Truth or Dare
JUST A LOT MORE RQG HUGS HONESTLY
Something HMC flavored but I don't know WHAT (finish that kink fic???)
... halp XD
EDIT:
The Play TM (a summer project)
The HMC fic should be flavored with the new sarah jarosz songs cause they're giving me feelingsSasha Whosasking Is Frens With The Coffin And Breekon And Hope
MORE EDITS
Fic about Gertrude and Agnes
CHILL FOREST FRENS
Hamid Azu fake marriage
Lidda
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very lose s5 tma thoughts
I am working on memorizing the poem from mag165 yes all of it but also y'know I'm super looking forward to the other statements
I am so FUCKING excited for the buried statement I am going to LIVE in it
The spiral statement will be a FUCKING TRIP and I am HERE for it and if there is any Michael still in there I am going to use it as fuel for my tiny tiny ship
I am honestly also just so hype for the meat statement because 1) JARED 2) it's going to be weird and gross and Jonny will have had SO much fun with it, I guarantee, it's gonna be a delight
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(no subject)
Thinking again about how the most unbelievable part of Graduation so far has been that Fitzroy Maplecourt had an advising appointment with someone who actually challenged him when he spewed some Knight propaganda as a personal statement. I may not trust Travis's institution but I also have never had an advisor who actually pushed me when I said answers that sounded competent and that makes me feel some kinda way.
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TMA Season 5 Predictions (3/19/2020)
Thanks to my partner Felix for talking through these ideas with me and coming up with a bunch of them <3
Action will be split between Jon reading/listening to old statements from the lunchbox Basira sent, and finding from people what's actually happening during the apocalypse.
Jon gets some control over the tape recorders.... learns to use them to his advantage :O
My wishful thinking plot arc is not something I am not convinced will happen (and I'm also not the only one to suggest a spooky road trip), but it would seem to me that, by TMA logic, if Jon had to embody all 14 fears to open the door, then maybe 14 representatives, one from each fear, will be needed to reject the apocalypse and send the entities back from whence they came.
The team includes: Martin (Lonely), Basira (Eye), Daisy (Hunt), Melanie (Slaughter), Georgie (End)could also be oliver idk I like georgie, Helen (Spiral), Jared (Flesh), Jude (Desolation), Annabelle (Web), Simon (Vast), The Coffin (Buried), and idk someone new probably for (Stranger)(Corruption)(Dark)
Additionally, I have SPECIFIC STATEMENTS I predict we'll see, some of these are jokes and some are not but I won't tell you which ones (the best are at the end please read all the way):
Tom Han's statement (backfile, I think he's dead). Has a lot of the Meat Theory Jared's not interested in. Maybe from pretty early on in the process of avatarizing.
We get a sexy modern day buried avatar. Or the coffin gives a statement. Give us that good buried content Jonny.
Something about the inherent spookiness of playgrounds. Not with harm coming to actual kids but like, the statement giver remembering weird experiences. You can find presences of all the avatars on a playground.
Stoner Elias statement (PLEASE. It would not be boring.)
Statement from Rosie (ALSO PLEASE. I know Jonny was noncommittal about both of these, but perhaps he has changed his mind).
What Is Jared Hopworth Up To In The Apocalypse (once again, even if it's not for Overarching Plot reasons, he's got Jon's rib and they can find each other)
Similarly, we get to hear about Helen's WEIRD EXPERIENCES.
We get a statement from Emma, Gertrude's assistant who was briefly mentioned in 154.
Naked. Slimy. Elias. (RQG bloopers confirmed this one but I am HYPE for the gelatinous cube)
Anyway I am VERY hype and VERY scared and this is gonna be great.
Action will be split between Jon reading/listening to old statements from the lunchbox Basira sent, and finding from people what's actually happening during the apocalypse.
Jon gets some control over the tape recorders.... learns to use them to his advantage :O
My wishful thinking plot arc is not something I am not convinced will happen (and I'm also not the only one to suggest a spooky road trip), but it would seem to me that, by TMA logic, if Jon had to embody all 14 fears to open the door, then maybe 14 representatives, one from each fear, will be needed to reject the apocalypse and send the entities back from whence they came.
The team includes: Martin (Lonely), Basira (Eye), Daisy (Hunt), Melanie (Slaughter), Georgie (End)
Annabelle was totally making sure this could come together, but also that there'd be a kill switch-- if Jonah was gonna do his thing, it would have to be on her terms.
Jared was doing fine for himself! He was looking into another small business, and he doesn't care about the theory he just likes bones. Plus, he can find them easily, cause he's got Jon's rib, and meat attracts meat.
Jude is really hard to convince but there is one way... (see below)
The Coffin may or may not be their secret entrance into the archives askldjaslkdj. Alternately, there could be a sexy new buried avataror Hezzy could come back but since Jonny hasn't given me one yet, I'm forced to imprint on the coffin.
If they can convince Simon to do it for the lolz, he's in
Helen's in this really interesting place where she is and is not the Spiral.... which is newly painful because the Spiral is now EVERYWHERE. A hand who's aware of being a hand and also the body is at a sick party and she's stuck in a pocket.
Jared was doing fine for himself! He was looking into another small business, and he doesn't care about the theory he just likes bones. Plus, he can find them easily, cause he's got Jon's rib, and meat attracts meat.
Jude is really hard to convince but there is one way... (see below)
The Coffin may or may not be their secret entrance into the archives askldjaslkdj. Alternately, there could be a sexy new buried avatar
If they can convince Simon to do it for the lolz, he's in
Helen's in this really interesting place where she is and is not the Spiral.... which is newly painful because the Spiral is now EVERYWHERE. A hand who's aware of being a hand and also the body is at a sick party and she's stuck in a pocket.
Look I like ensembles and teamwork okay. Obviously it's also gonna be TRAGIC but like. Idk. That's the plan anyways.
Additionally, I have SPECIFIC STATEMENTS I predict we'll see, some of these are jokes and some are not but I won't tell you which ones (the best are at the end please read all the way):
Tom Han's statement (backfile, I think he's dead). Has a lot of the Meat Theory Jared's not interested in. Maybe from pretty early on in the process of avatarizing.
We get a sexy modern day buried avatar. Or the coffin gives a statement. Give us that good buried content Jonny.
Something about the inherent spookiness of playgrounds. Not with harm coming to actual kids but like, the statement giver remembering weird experiences. You can find presences of all the avatars on a playground.
Stoner Elias statement (PLEASE. It would not be boring.)
Statement from Rosie (ALSO PLEASE. I know Jonny was noncommittal about both of these, but perhaps he has changed his mind).
What Is Jared Hopworth Up To In The Apocalypse (once again, even if it's not for Overarching Plot reasons, he's got Jon's rib and they can find each other)
Similarly, we get to hear about Helen's WEIRD EXPERIENCES.
We get a statement from Emma, Gertrude's assistant who was briefly mentioned in 154.
Naked. Slimy. Elias. (RQG bloopers confirmed this one but I am HYPE for the gelatinous cube)
A third Web In Hollywood statement because I feel like we need another one.
An episode that is basically Jon and Elias having a staring contest. The middle of Jonny's episode script has a section that is just "[JON and JONAH stare at each other for 15 minutes. The world warps around them.]" Alex is thrilled.
We get a statement from AGNES about her DOUBTS-- something that she wrote AT Gertrude while they were linked, even if they never met each other. Talks about the bleed between the Desolation and the Eye-- Agnes started questioning and Gertrude got better at setting things ablaze-- and most importantly gives her a voice by which to address all the perceptions we've seen of her from other people!!! She gets a voice!!!! (If we are trying to convince Jude of doing things, this is what makes that happen)
Also! We need a statement from GERTRUDE. Maybe not about the Agnes stuff, but DEFINITELY at some point early into her process of becoming the Archivist. We've heard from her so much, but we have not! heard! her give a statement herself! about! her own! experiences!
AND WE GET A TAPE FROM SASHA, THE ORIGINAL SASHA, ABOUT HER TIME IN ARTIFACTS STORAGE, AND LET HER GET THE LAST WORD FOR HERSELF, AND MAKE EVERYBODY HAVE FEELINGS.
An episode that is basically Jon and Elias having a staring contest. The middle of Jonny's episode script has a section that is just "[JON and JONAH stare at each other for 15 minutes. The world warps around them.]" Alex is thrilled.
We get a statement from AGNES about her DOUBTS-- something that she wrote AT Gertrude while they were linked, even if they never met each other. Talks about the bleed between the Desolation and the Eye-- Agnes started questioning and Gertrude got better at setting things ablaze-- and most importantly gives her a voice by which to address all the perceptions we've seen of her from other people!!! She gets a voice!!!! (If we are trying to convince Jude of doing things, this is what makes that happen)
Also! We need a statement from GERTRUDE. Maybe not about the Agnes stuff, but DEFINITELY at some point early into her process of becoming the Archivist. We've heard from her so much, but we have not! heard! her give a statement herself! about! her own! experiences!
AND WE GET A TAPE FROM SASHA, THE ORIGINAL SASHA, ABOUT HER TIME IN ARTIFACTS STORAGE, AND LET HER GET THE LAST WORD FOR HERSELF, AND MAKE EVERYBODY HAVE FEELINGS.
Anyway I am VERY hype and VERY scared and this is gonna be great.
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(no subject)
In the hozier's "jackie and wilson" there is a line that goes I need to be youthfully felt cause lord ive never felt young and sometime last summer I was telling my partner that it almost applied, but not quite, because I COULD remember feeling young... once....
Idk why I'm thinking these thoughts now. But the only time I've felt properly young, not just scared and out of my depth but young, was fresh out of college, reading Allison Bechdel's Are You My Mother. That might be it.
So like... i am gonna just tuck that line into my heart again cause its basically true
Idk why I'm thinking these thoughts now. But the only time I've felt properly young, not just scared and out of my depth but young, was fresh out of college, reading Allison Bechdel's Are You My Mother. That might be it.
So like... i am gonna just tuck that line into my heart again cause its basically true
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To Elaborate On (re:writing)
Katy Keene and Fan Participation
What do I think a book is? What can it be?
A Writer's Notebook
R+G are Dead, Spaces, and the Public Domain
What do I think a book is? What can it be?
A Writer's Notebook
R+G are Dead, Spaces, and the Public Domain
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(no subject)
Really wishing that I was quicker at processing things and asking questions.... i would love to be part of these conversations and learn from the experts at this university but I... I cannot come up with both a question AND the confidence to ask it during a talk. One or the other or maybe neither. Not both.
Now I have a question and the visiting professor is gone and I contributed to the awkward silence and also have not helped anything.
How do people do this?
Now I have a question and the visiting professor is gone and I contributed to the awkward silence and also have not helped anything.
How do people do this?
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(no subject)
absently thinking about.... choices. feeling like I'm in a position where I am actively making choices and really considering where I want my priorities to be. Maybe I'm actually learning how to evaluate stuff I want.
Interesting that at this point, original writing is so close to the bottom of the list. A few years ago that would've been unfathomable. I write fic these days, and I create rp characters, but I am barely even making passing attempts at my own original fiction.
I know that all things must pass and all, that this will likely change, and that even if it doesn't, writing as a hobby is okay, but like....
I have spent a long, long time centering my ability to write as part of my identity. And now I'm.......... not. And that's very odd.
I'm trying to commit and commit and commit to my friends in ways that I wasn't able to do, or at least didn't do, in college. I committed in so many ways, but not in an rp way, and that is also very interesting to me. Where have my priorities been. Learning that new skill was... not one. Now it is.
Thinking about how the way I specifically processed things and dealt with things has tied my brain into knots, thinking about how that's a genuine form of harm that I need to heal from even if it was entirely of my own accidental devising
Idk. I'm not sure what my point is. But internally, things feel like they're in motion.
Interesting that at this point, original writing is so close to the bottom of the list. A few years ago that would've been unfathomable. I write fic these days, and I create rp characters, but I am barely even making passing attempts at my own original fiction.
I know that all things must pass and all, that this will likely change, and that even if it doesn't, writing as a hobby is okay, but like....
I have spent a long, long time centering my ability to write as part of my identity. And now I'm.......... not. And that's very odd.
I'm trying to commit and commit and commit to my friends in ways that I wasn't able to do, or at least didn't do, in college. I committed in so many ways, but not in an rp way, and that is also very interesting to me. Where have my priorities been. Learning that new skill was... not one. Now it is.
Thinking about how the way I specifically processed things and dealt with things has tied my brain into knots, thinking about how that's a genuine form of harm that I need to heal from even if it was entirely of my own accidental devising
Idk. I'm not sure what my point is. But internally, things feel like they're in motion.
(no subject)
THAT POST THAT'S LIKE "DONT PUNISH YOURSELF FOR CREATING" WELL I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO NOT PUNISH MYSELF FOR GOING TO BED
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(no subject)
at this point it's just kinda ridiculous, but I was on my way to the dentist today and was just sorta absently thinking like, "I wonder which negative track he'll take when I tell him I'm leaving imminently for library school?" I guessed correctly that he wasn't intimately familiar with the job market for librarians, but he sure did have a lot of opinions about how advanced degrees are useless and the worst dental assistants he'd ever had were the ones who went to school for it, etc. etc.
and it's like, dude. I get it, and I agree that academic elitism is bullshit and apprenticeships should be much more normalized/education should be more attainable, but I AM taking the best path for me right now, I CANNOT singlehandedly eschew the education requirements for my chosen field, I HAVE herd all of this before, and regardless of any of that I AM leaving in 6 days.
what u should be worried about, mr. dentist man, is why I was prepared for you to rain your negativity all over my carefully curated life plan, cause that's not the impression I think you want to be giving off.
and it's like, dude. I get it, and I agree that academic elitism is bullshit and apprenticeships should be much more normalized/education should be more attainable, but I AM taking the best path for me right now, I CANNOT singlehandedly eschew the education requirements for my chosen field, I HAVE herd all of this before, and regardless of any of that I AM leaving in 6 days.
what u should be worried about, mr. dentist man, is why I was prepared for you to rain your negativity all over my carefully curated life plan, cause that's not the impression I think you want to be giving off.
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(no subject)
Things to write about/delve into soon:
-big sister feels
-religion thoughts?? (This is the Epiphany of the Moment and why im making the post)
-misc about moving....
-big sister feels
-religion thoughts?? (This is the Epiphany of the Moment and why im making the post)
-misc about moving....
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(no subject)
Listening to rpg podcasts like "you're roleplaying good?? How!?!"
....will I get good at roleplaying by listening to you??
....will I get good at roleplaying by listening to you??